everything

First blog, so im givin this a shot. I would say i've got a lot of things going on in my life right now, but for some reason i dont make it seem like i do. Most of my friends are slowly slipping out of my hands, and the ones that arent i worry about too much, thinking they either are annoyed by me or are untrustworthy. As far as my relationship goes, Im currently madly in love with a girl name Zoey, and I really dont have time or space to write all the many reasons i love her, she really is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and without her i would be empty. Unfortunately, my stupid mind works in stupid ways. I hate the fact that my mind is always thinking of the worst possible situations that could be happening, like Zoey not actually loving me, or if im a horrible boyfriend. My heart knows this is difinitely not true, and I know she loves me immensely, and i feel trapped behind this horrible concept of thinking that i know is not true. My family also plays a key role in my life, obviously. My mom doesnt hate me, but i know she cares little for me. My older sisters really do hate me, and they tell me that. Im apparently ruining my sister's life simply because I'm starting to play guitar. My other older sister is Autistic, which means she is constantly swearing and unable to comprehend everything as clearly as we are. She is 20 years old and is living with my dad. My younger sister is the least of my worries, but only because she is playing Halo online 24 hours a day, everyday. Luckily I have one person in my family I love: my dad! He's always here for me and I dont know how i could manage without him. Im actually considering living with him until i move out. Unfortunately I feel bad because I feel im using my dad because I ask him to take me to Zoey's every single weekend. Thankfully my dad is also dating someone helpful in my life. She is always here to attempt to understand, or at least listen to my problems. As much as I love my dad and his girlfriend, i feel terrible that i must keep from them a huge secret that, if they ever found out, i would completely lose their trust in me....

...Thats pretty much it, everything. I actually have been asked how i managed to make it this far without attempting suicide, cutting, drinking, smoking, or any other ways you can think of. My answer? im not quite sure exactly, but i know i never want to do any of those things, because the people that really do care about me, would be crushed, and i love them way too much to do that to them.